Thursday, June 30, 2005

Couldn't be this funny if you tried. Which they didn't.

I-485 (PDF), Part 3:
  • 1. Have you ever, in or outside the United States:
    • a. Knowingly committed any crime of moral turpitude or a drug-related offense for which you have not been arrested…
  • 3. Have you ever:
    • a. Within the past ten years been a prostitute or procured anyone for prostitution, or intend to engage in such activities in the future?…
  • 4. Have you ever engaged in, conspired to engage in, or do you intend to engage in, or have you ever solicited membership or funds for, or have you through any means ever assisted or provided any type of material support to any person or organization that has ever engaged or conspired to engage in sabotage, kidnapping, political assassination, hijacking or any other form of terrorist activity?
  • 5. Do you intend to engage in the United States in:
    • a. espionage?
    • b. any activity a purpose of which is opposition to, or the control or overthrow of, the government of the United States, by force, violence or other unlawful means?...
  • 7. Did you, during the period from March 23, 1933 to May 8, 1945, in association with either the Nazi Government of Germany or any other organization or government associated or allied with the Nazi Government of Germany, ever order, incite, assist or otherwise participate in the persecution of any person because of race, religion, national origin or political opinion?
  • 8. Have you ever engaged in genocide, or otherwise ordered, incited, assisted or otherwise participated in the killing of any person because of race, religion, nationality, ethnic origin or political opinion?...
[and the final question:]
  • 14. Do you plan to practice polygamy in the United States?
As far as I can tell, these questions are designed to root out the very stupid terrorists, etc., with the exception of number 7, which is a trick question about reincarnation (in which Orthodox Christians do not believe). Do they expect someone to say, "why, yes, I engage in genocide, but only on the weekends" or "yes, I am part of a conspiracy which plans to assassinate politicians; how kind of you to ask"? Of course, you only get the boxes to check yes or no, but still.

[Hey, Lissa, thanks again for reminding me that you can do lists in html!]

Feel free to post your answers in the comments. (No, not you. They might heeeaaar you.)


Blogger Virgil Petrisor said...

Well, they might also take care of those people who just can't help themselves and must find out what happens if you answer 'yes' to those questions. Thankfully, not all questions are that inane.

Also, the mere 'yes/no' (besides avoiding all sorts of strange comments - as you wonderfully illustrate) does not allow for real explanations (such as 'the communist party didn't give you a choice whether you would enroll in the 'pioneers.'). I guess that's what the interview is for. Speaking of the pioneers, I just had some thoughts about that - maybe I'll blog about it later on tonight.

All I have to say at this point is that it was a lot of work and I'm glad we've gotten to this point. May our Lord watch over us and help make this a smooth process.

Thu Jun 30, 03:36:00 PM CDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These questions are ex-post-facto traps. They will allow you to become deported if you lied.

For example:

I'm a Jew, so there's no passion.

Sat Aug 06, 10:22:00 PM CDT  

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