Answer to prayer

I have been struggling to love Teddy, and today he showed me that I need to slow down and really see how beautiful he is.

This morning we did errands to the south and then went straight to Lucia's speech therapy.

Lucia at her speech therapy. The sound of the week was /p/, so we worked on that.

She got the /k/ sound on her own and/or listening to her little brother.

We had three children running around: "Gok! Gok! Gok!"

Fr. Peter had to go straight to church to deal with the door and the locksmith, so I had the three kids who were having lunch at two o'clock as well as getting all the groceries in and put away. So I took a nap. (Let's just pause for a moment, because it really was a beautiful nap.)

So I noticed some movement, and there was Teddy at the doorway looking at me. I really didn't want him to need me to do anything that requires either speech or movement, so I asked, "What do you want?" and the reply was a simple: "I was going to kiss you when you were asleep." And I got a hug, and held his hand and closed my eyes. He stuck around, but didn't seem all that keen on just standing there, so I said he could come around and lie down next to me.

Then I figured I should say something, because I didn't want to just lose that lovely connection, of just liking him. I asked, "What was your favorite part of today?" and he said, "Having a balloon." (We went to a store for the first time ever and each child got a balloon on a stick.) Next question: "What was your favorite part of yesterday?" "Communion." It still floors me how important this is to him, just simply and viscerally. I don't know how to recover my conversational footing, so I asked, "What are you looking forward to?" and he replied, "Getting my balloon back."

I've been really praying to have the lightly-held connection between us get reinforced, and today it was. I am so grateful for his sensitive spirit. Sometimes—most of the time—that is hard to remember.

We also got permission to leave for our road trip a day earlier, splitting a 12-hour drive into two days, meaning we get to see some dearly beloved people for more than a fuel-and-stretch stop and still getting to our destination hours late. Of course, now that means there is less time to get everything in. I meant to do laundry today...

How We Became Hippie Parents, Part 2b

I did mean to get back to this a little earlier, but, well, the whole parenting thing.

So, round two: more on cloth diapers.  Evidently I have become the spokesman among my friends and acquaintances (and even my family's friends and acquaintances, on occasion) for cloth diapers.  I keep thinking that I have a post to point them to on my blog, but never seem to be able to find it when I'm looking for it.  (Now I look for it and find it, but we've changed a few things, so I'll just leave what I wrote and you'll have to re-read or skip or give me snarky comments.)

When my husband and I first started looking at using cloth diapers, we considered a few things:

• cost
• ease of use
• environment

Cloth diapers seemed to win in all those categories except, well, the dealing-with-poo part, which wasn't going to exactly be avoided with diaper-changing of whatever sort.

We were fortunate enough to be able to go to a brick-and-mortar cloth diaper store in our area (which is now online-only, but still a good resource) and have a knowledgeable person to ask questions of, and to look at the physical diapers themselves.  We decided to get 24 BumGenius one-size pocket diapers, which then were only available with aplix (like velcro) closures (eight each of blue, green, and white).  We were blessed to have been given a large amount of money at the baby shower, but it was still a large outlay.

I didn't want to get the diapers with snaps because I wasn't sure that they would give me enough flexibility in sizing, but that turned out to be silly.  The aplix ended up wearing out after the first kid, so in my online wishing that we'd gone with snaps in the first place, I found that others wished the same, and there were plenty of conversion tutorials online.  We bought a few snap-installing supplies ($52.05 including shipping for pliers (with cosmetic defect), and way more snaps, caps and sockets, than we need (still), but they come in bunches of 100) and I ripped off the aplix patches (woo seamripper fun!) and my husband installed the snaps per the instructions online.  (Just Google: convert cloth diaper and look for something you can follow, or pay someone to do it for you.  Or, radical idea, just buy the ones with the snaps in the first place.)

The elastic in the legs had also worn out by the time the second kid was about due, and that wasn't someplace we could afford to have openings!  I found more tutorials online, and ripped out the old elastic and replacing it ($2.60 from Joanne's for thread and elastic, and lots of time).  I hadn't done any sewing project since I was six and in a sewing class, so all I needed were basic sewing supplies, including a thimble (which was a gift from Reve) that I'd never had occasion to use before, but was exceedingly grateful for.  It was easier than I had hoped, as the elastic is only affixed at each end, not throughout the length of the leg hole.

Another thing we bought when first getting the diapers was a cloth diaper-pail liner.  And then we got another one, because when you're doing laundry, the baby is still using up those diapers and you'll need a place to put them.  The great thing about the cloth diaper-pail liner is that you can stuff all of the laundry into the washing machine including the bag.

The best purchase, though, has to be the diaper sprayer.  If you're doing cloth diapers, and your toilet has a flexible connection to the wall plumbing, just get one.  It's easy to install (especially if your husband does it for you; he says it's easy to install).  All the solids go into the toilet quite easily.  My mother's and sister's houses do not have the flexible connection, so when I visit them, I am scrubbing away in the toilet and my children just don't seem as charming as usual for those moments.  (And unless you have a low place to sit, your knees and shoulders hurt after a surprisingly short while.)

We had been gifted with some disposable diapers and wipes, but gave away the diapers, keeping the wipes for a while.  Soon, though, it dawned on us that we had to walk to a trash can to throw those away, separate from disposing of the diapery things into the diaper pail.  My brilliant engineer husband just went and bought 24 washcloths, and we just wet those and use them, rinsing and washing them with the rest of the diapers.

I don't think we've figured out the best diaper pail situation yet.  We bought a metal step-to-open trash can from Target, but that rusted after a while and was hard to clean.  After the move, we got a too-small click-top plastic trash can, but that doesn't seem to suit the size of diaper-pail liners and the click-top is horrible, as is the smell.  It's what we're using for now though.  My husband thinks we should get some sort of laundry basket with holes in it, as keeping the smell in seems to lend it strength; I remain unconvinced on airing out the diapers in the larger area of the bathroom (with my nose and no fan, and, currently, a non-opening window).  If you have any excellent solutions, please comment.

My sister, whose nose is much more refined than mine, kept me and the children at her house for five weeks.  She insisted that I wash the diapers every day, and her way of doing laundry included using Borax, which I found to greatly improve the smell of the diapers overall.

To prolong the life of the elastic, I started using a drying rack for the diaper covers.  When trying to be extra frugal, I was using it for all our clothes, especially during the summer, to reduce the amount of heat (and electricity) from the dryer.  Also, it takes a long while for the dense inserts to air-dry.  When using a drying rack for the inserts, I try to line things up so I'm putting the laundry on the rack around bedtime so they're dry in the morning and I'm not waiting for diapers.

We were very fortunate to be able to get a high-efficiency front-loading washing machine with a "sanitize" cycle.  It takes about two hours to wash the diapers with that cycle, but it does spin well enough so that in a pinch I can use a diaper cover straight out of there.  (The diapers come with a large insert and a small insert. If you're not using the small inserts daily, you can stick them in there, or any other absorbent cloth, in a pinch.)  We wash diapers about every other day, more with a newborn and less with an older child, depending on how many diapers are left available and whether we'll be out of the house during that time.

For the diaper bag, I never really found the travel cloth diaper wet-bags all that useful.  I use regular grocery bags, folded into triangles so I can find them by feel.

My mother was initially horrified by the high price (compared to the old-fashioned ones she had used on me, with the pins and the plastic pants), but after seeing me use them at her house, asked me to tell a few of her friends (with upcoming grandchildren) all about them.  My sister remains unconvinced entirely, but her youngest is seven-and-a-half, and I (thankfully, even when pregnant) am not as affected by smells as she is.

Preparing for using these same diapers with a third child, I'm looking into fixing one or two snaps (having fixed about six so far over the past 20 months, out of 24 snaps on each of 24 diapers is not so bad), replacing the elastic on two or three diapers' legs, and looking at the elastic on the backs of the diapers, too, which I have not yet replaced.  The fabric is starting to wear a little bit, but is still containing everything it needs to.  I don't know how things will go as far as having a newborn and an older child both using the diapers; right now we have things sized as large as they will go, but I guess snapping one or two snaps each time I change a diaper won't kill me if I don't let it.

Sorry for the repetition with Part 2, but I honestly didn't remember writing that one and was almost done with this one, and by gum, I'm gonna post it.  If I get on the ball, I might also post about the baby nose vacuum, using a mattress early rather than a crib, and using a cup early rather than a bottle or sippy cup.  But people keep asking me about cloth diapers (three in the past month), so it's been on my mind, especially considering I'll be Full Term on Thursday, and therefore eligible to have the baby within the next five weeks.  (Please pray that it's not during a liturgical service!  Our altar feast is January 7, and I think a bishop is coming.)

An Environment of Obedience

Today we visited St. Raphael in Iowa City for their altar feast (first Saturday of November: St. Raphael of Brooklyn).  Since we all travelled together and my husband always wants to be in time for Orthros, the kids and I were in and out of the sanctuary quite a bit.  In their bookstore, there was a little booklet I hadn't seen before called On the Upbringing of Children by Bishop Irenaius.  Lucia hadn't had any breakfast, so I fed her a breakfast bar and skimmed the chapter on obedience.

Bishop Irenaius (of Ekaterinburg and Sibirsk) wrote that if the environment is not one of obedience, then any lessons in obedience will not take root in the child.  That is, the parents must obey God, the Church, and the laws of man.  He also spoke of showering the child with love as well as tolerating only prompt obedience from the child.

Recently I have been pondering the meaning and practicing of love.  If I say I love my children, but only feel lovingly towards them and do not act lovingly towards them, how can I mean what I say?

I fall down on the job so many times, it is hard to see that I am ever rising to struggle forward.

I want our children to become good Christian adults, and that is enough of a motivation to wash the dishes, run the laundry, and scrape up the layers of debris which have collected over the office and living room (layer one: crayons, layer two: laundry, layer three: an entire box of stationery) so that everyone will have bright and cheerful rooms to greet them when they come downstairs.  Okay, so that at least the first person (probably Lucia) will have bright and cheerful rooms to greet her when she comes downstairs, and everyone else will have at least a brief reprieve from stepping on crayons and looking for socks and slipping on pieces of paper.  ...although it was pretty funny to watch Lucia struggle to wear Teddy's underwear on her head, pull the waistband over her eyes, and then snuggle up to Daddy as though she'd accomplished everything on her to-do list for the day.

I may not fall and get up and fall and get up, but at least I can creep forward on hands and knees.

Moving In, or Marital Communications

Husband: I think all the music should go upstairs in the closet for now. The piano is already upstairs.
Wife: That's just a keyboard. We're going to have a piano in this room. And I'm going to play it every day...
Husband: But until then... can the music just go upstairs?
Wife: ...Every day, right after I milk the goats.
Husband: Upstairs, then.

Holy Friday and Saturday boxes

Holy Friday afternoon (unnailing) and evening (lamentations): stories in the Children's Bible Reader and Tomie de Paola's Book of Bible Stories, as well as (in the box on the right) an epitaphion icon, a crucifixion icon, and an icon of the Theotokos with two angels who are holding a cross and, I think, a spear, as a foretaste of what is to come.  In the little bag in the middle is a wooden peg doll, frankincense and myrrh (from a Christmas present from my mother with the gifts of the Magi), holy oil, and a linen cloth.  Lucia's box (on the left) has icons of the Theotokos, St. Basil, and the three hierarchs with their mothers.

Holy Saturday: books for Holy Friday (forgot) and Holy Saturday, and whatever else was left over.  This is one of the reasons why I was trying to put things for the next service in the box as soon as we got home from the previous service... I just can't keep up.  I had an icon of Jonah earlier in the week and the stories of Jonah in several books, and the story of the Three Holy Children in the Children's Bible Reader... but didn't remember, as my detailed list of what the themes were for each service only went as far as Holy Thursday.  I am hoping that these pictures and descriptions will help jog my memory for next year!

Holy Thursday evening box

Books: Children's Bible Reader and Tomie de Paola's Book of Bible Stories
For the evening service: Mystical Supper, the Washing of the Feet, the Prayer in the Garden, and the Betrayal.

Mystical Supper: I cut out some grapes from the grocery store ads, and just now realized that I could include a small plate and cup from my childhood kitchen things.

Washing of the Feet: icon.

Prayer in the Garden: a prayer card with a picture of praying hands and a komboskini.

Betrayal: the "thirty pieces of silver" for Judas' betrayal, and the finger-puppet rooster from my Nouna for Peter's betrayal.

I added the icon of the epitaphion as a foreshadowing, even though that will be tomorrow afternoon.

Holy Thursday morning box and a honey of a birthday cake

Ready to commemorate the Mystical Supper and the Washing of the Feet on Holy Thursday morning, with Jane G. Meyer's books, The Man and the Vine and The Woman and the Wheat, as well as a box with the icon of the Mystical Supper.  There's a little icon for the Washing of the Feet, too.  We reviewed the story of the Supper in the Children's Bible Reader as well as Tomie de Paola's Book of Bible Stories, but there's only so much I can carry into the church.  We didn't read through the Meyer books properly, but looked at all the pictures and read a few pages from each.  I think these two books will be definitely something for both children to grow into.  I just have to remind myself to be patient.

Lucia's box just has a new laminated icon and two of the ones she likes best.

The High Priestly Prayer (in the garden of Gethsemane) and the Betrayal would be on Holy Thursday, too, according to the Synaxarion, but I am putting those things in the box for the evening service, which is quite long.

Also, tomorrow will be Lucia's first birthday, so Fr. Peter and I made a cake (we are soo tired, and kinda leaned on each other for help in doubling the recipe).  According to prevailing wisdom, a baby should not have honey before her first birthday.  So she gets a lemon honey cake* shaped like a honeycomb.

*We attempted to lentenize it, using water for milk, 3/4 applesauce and 1/4 Crisco for butter, and the usual egg substitute from the monastery cookbook.  Haven't tasted it yet, but the whole house smells lovely.  I'm so glad I picked up a lemon and a lime on a whim!  (We're not doing the glaze, just the cake, and the shaved lemon and lime look a little embarrassed being bald on the counter.)

Holy Week box: Holy Tuesday evening

Book: Children's Bible Reader
Ephemera: Icon of Christ the Bridegroom; holy oil to represent the oil with which the sinful woman anointed Christ; and three dimes to represent the thirty pieces of silver Judas received.

I gave Lucia different icons and a komboskini.  She's really getting into kissing icons, especially those of Jesus.  She also enjoyed playing with the box itself.  Now I just need to figure out how to make it close quietly...

Holy Week boxes

Yes!  I finally got started on these today!  (After two years, so I'm excited, even if I forget to bring them the rest of the week.)

First, I read the delightful "Tips for Surviving Evening Services with Little Ones."  Then I revisited the Holy Week boxes series: 2010, 2011, and 2012.  Then I went shopping and didn't remember to take a list with me.

The kids and I went to Joann's.  Teddy was wet, so we had to take care of that.  Lucia freaked out and threw up because she couldn't get to me (in the cart, right next to me, evidently was Not Good Enough).  Then we wandered around and looked at things (while I cringed at the noises we were making, sure that everyone knew how mean and horrible I really am).  I found plastic grapes which were quite large and some wooden "doll pegs," but not much else.  I had come in thinking that I would just get some felt scraps or sheets and muster up some figures to illustrate the stories of Holy Week, but I couldn't think of any (except "We should have a sheep"), and kept wandering the aisles.

So we picked up a package of felt sheets with a diverse color scheme, and some pipe cleaners with same (enough of the right colors for sheep and people), and snagged the wooden doll pegs, and put the giant bunch of grapes back.  I remembered seeing some wooden boxes, so we went and got two of the treasure-chest type.  I found a small lion at the front and got that, too.  (Lion of Judah, lion lying down with the lamb ... it would fit somehow, and Lucia specifically likes the lion in the library puzzle and in our own Noah's ark, so that would be something quiet for her.)

Then we went home and I studied up on the themes for each service in Holy Week, quickly getting overwhelmed.*  I reviewed the list of items for the Holy Week boxes.  I really liked the site for "Great Lent, Holy Week & Pascha" and supplemented that with the paperback The Year of Grace of the Lord.**  Then I went to the bookshelves and pulled relevant books, and went to the icon bookshelf ... and stashes of icons that have either been put out of the way or are still unpacked and pulled relevant icons and some laminated ones that aren't necessarily relevant but are safe for Lucia.  I thought I had at least something for the Three Holy Youths for Holy Saturday (no), as well as something for the Parable of the Talents (no).  I kicked myself for not doing anything yesterday, because I do have a lovely book on Joseph, who was one of the themes from yesterday's Bridegroom service.  Then I scrounged around all the junk drawers and boxes of hastily cleaned up toys and shelves and places for oddments and found enough things to satisfy me for now.

Books: Tomie de Paola's The Parables of Jesus (library discard, forgot how I got it) and Helen Caswell's Parable of the Bridesmaids (found last year at Goodwill).
For the Bridegroom, I was thrilled to find a bookmark (I'd forgotten about these!) that I'd gotten at our previous parish's festival from the monastery booth.  (Laminated icons, hooray!)
For the parable of the wise and foolish virgins, I used two of those little battery-operated tea-lights that I'd gotten around Christmastime for Teddy's play-censer.  I kept the plastic insert in one (so it wouldn't work), for the foolish virgins, and took the other out (so it would work) for the wise virgins.
For the parable of the talents, I took three of the wooden doll pegs (debated dressing them up and having another one in fancier dress for the master, but decided that I should just go simply at the beginning), two dimes, two nickles, and one penny.

We got to church early enough for us to read both stories and have me explain most of the items to Teddy.  I don't know if he was particularly interested in any of them (but he did like taking them out and scattering them all over the pew before continuing to ignore them), as I was walking up and and down and in and out with Lucia.  I was able to lean over to him a couple of times and point out, "This is about the Bridegroom.  Where is your icon of the Bridegroom?" or "Do you hear them singing about the wise and foolish virgins?  Which lamp is for the wise virgins?"  Teddy asked many questions like, "Why did they not bring enough oil? Why did they bring enough oil?  Why is the Bridegroom coming?" which I hope to answer, but didn't even attempt to this evening.

I found that reading the stories of the themes for the service put me into a more restful state of mind: I was able to pick up on the themes of the hymns, and listen better to the parts of the Gospel I was able to hear, much better than if I had done no preparation.  This reminded me of my father's habit of reading the epistle and Gospel reading for Mass the night before as well as right before the service, and his explanation that it helped him pay attention better.

This is my first Holy Week with two kids, and it is Tough.  I'm glad I read through those "tips," as Teddy was mostly content to snuggle in the pew with his blanket and pillow while Lucia and I walked and walked and walked.  Lucia had a box, too, with three laminated icons, a peg doll, and the little plush lion.  She was interested in his things and had no interest in the lion.  He wanted the lion.  *sigh*  I so called that while they were asleep at naptime this afternoon, but there was less throwing than I had worried about.

I have plenty of things ready for the rest of the week, manipulatives/ephemera and books.  There are only two boxes, so I'm just throwing everything else into a bag and pulling the things I need for the next service as soon as I get a break after we get home from the previous service.  (I at least know I am liable to forget.)  I am hoping to find an icon catalogue that I'd given to my husband and persuade him to make use of our laminator.  (I forgot he'd already bought one, and found one and was so thrilled with myself for remembering to buy it... it was very disappointing to realize that I hadn't saved us from not having a laminator, but instead had purchased a second one.)

*First of all, this collection of icons is awesomesauce, and I'm so glad I bookmarked it when I found it.  I had no idea there were icons of parables and Old Testament stories, etc., before I saw these.  I liked the one with the parable of the ten virgins, and found a better picture of the one of the last judgment (sheep and goats).  I also loved finding this icon of the last judgment ("Inasmuch as you have done it to the least of these...").  That said, I was sad that this was the only icon I could find with the parable of the talents.  I want a big colorful one!

Another thing I found in my internet hunt was this moving story about a college professor, doughnuts, push-ups, and explaining the Gospel of Christ in a meaningful way.

**I thought it was an exciting and noteworthy connection from this book, that I'd never thought of before: St. John was the only one of the Twelve who stayed with Jesus through His passion ... and the only one of the Twelve who was not martyred.  p. 179: "All except one had abandoned [H]im during the harrowing hours of Golgotha...  Peter and the other apostles will share, through their own martyrdom, in the Passion of their Master..."

This is how we do it

This has been a rough week, with Issues from one person with both my husband and myself.  (Prayers definitely requested.)  And a parish council member's mother died.  Her funeral was this morning.  I tried to get the kids ready to go to Orthros which was before the funeral, but my husband started Orthros early and we came late, so we didn't get any of it.

The kids and I went home to have lunch and nap afterwards while my husband went to the cemetery and meal afterwards, and I looked into jumping through some medical hoops.  The online registration system wouldn't accept my birthdate, today was the last day to register, but I found someone on the phone who made arrangements.  Then we go to get our blood drawn, but somehow there's no appointment for either of us, and they're not taking walk-ins as their A/C is out, but we can go to another place and have our blood drawn ... if we hurry, since they close in an hour and it takes half an hour to get there and the average wait time is 20 minutes.

So we go to the second place and I'm still not in the system and the lady at the front desk doesn't have me in the computer at all, so I called the same phone number and "Scott" put me in the system from there.  (I still can't register, so I don't know whether I can get my results and/or qualify for the survey and following steps, etc.)  Then, after our blood was drawn, the phlebotomist said he thought we were done, and there wasn't anyone at the front desk, so we load the kids and the double stroller into the car and drive off ... until there's a guy who races up beside us and says that the lady had run out the door to flag us back for something, so we went back and signed paperwork.  Whew.

At least we could now go home and relax.  My husband hadn't scheduled anything for this evening, making the service for the day an Orthros so he'd have some time to relax before Holy Week.  Except that the priest for the next-nearest church had told his parishioners that we'd be having an Akathist again tonight.  No worries, he said later this week: he'd tell everyone and nobody from his church would come.  We got home and there was an email from another priest attached to that church whom my husband confesses to which said that they could set up a time when he came to the Akathist service tonight.  And he didn't get any of my husband's (three) phone calls.

So my husband slips into his cassock and drives over to church... where there are three or four next-nearest parishioners and one of ours (who had to work for all the previous Fridays and whose daughter is on the way) ... so my husband calls me and says they'll do some sort of service, Vespers or Compline, so, without thinking, I have Teddy put on his shoes and snatch Lucia up, and we go to church.  A little while into the service, the other priest comes with his wife, too.

Honestly, this was not how I planned the day at all.  I imagined being this tired next Friday.  Our house is a wreck, we have almost nothing planned for Easter baskets (his is ordered, saying "Radio Flyer" on the side), I have a birthday something to plan (with the cutest little honeycomb baking pan that just arrived today), and there's a horrible, niggling thing in my head that I've forgotten something but I can't think what.

Productivity and Prattling

I've been reading organizational and productivity books again, not finding them terribly useful overall, but getting at least one phrase or idea which keeps me going. The latest "thing" is to make a plan: write down the goal, breaking it into sub-goals, and then assign dates by which each sub-goal needs to be completed.

So I've got three pieces of scratch paper (A, B, and C): (A) one for the Metropolis of Atlanta presvyteres directory (needs to be ready and printed before we leave for Clergy-Laity next month); (B) one for the NSP newsletter, which needs to be put together and have address labels printed by about June 1 (thank heavens for two ladies: one who suggested someone else print and mail the newsletter, and the other who volunteered to do it); and (C) one for my AFR transcription to-do list.

I'm way ahead on the directory, but mostly because I was terrified of having dozens of presvyteres to call (no email address) and check on their mailing addresses so I can send them the information to review, correct, and give permission for me to share among the presvyteres. I set aside from Sunday through Wednesday to make all those calls (50), and I'm already done! I still have to call parishes to get any contact information for another 20 or so (phone numbers disconnected, etc.), and then print and mail something, but I'm ahead! I'm ahead on something!

Just to make up for that, I got more assignments for my AFR to-do list. But I get paid for that, and it's fun and ... intellectual-growth-inciting. (Post-partum vocabulary. It's better than the first time, but not all that much.) So I finished another Fr. Thomas Hopko podcast, but I don't dare post it until I'm more lucid. (Man, can he talk. I have trouble keeping up with him even on "slow playback." Occasionally I hear him on normal speed by accident, and it's just scary. I'd hate to have to take notes for a class of his; I'd want to write everything down, and there's no way I would be able to keep up.)

The newsletter has been blocked out, and I got a report in already, and a promise of another one, but those are from two ladies whom I know I can count on already. Getting the other reports, and the letter from the Archbishop (didn't leave enough time between my request and the deadline, due to moving up the dates for the newsletter because of the deadline for the retreat which is advertised in the newsletter ... that was fun, too)—those have a higher risk factor.

The other things I'm working on are staying on top of the laundry (so far, so good, although there's a few dribs and drabs on the sofa currently), the dishes (I emptied the dishwasher this morning! We won't talk about the mess on the counters of the previous days and days until my husband took pity on us and just started the dishwasher even though—gasp!—the top wasn't full.), and the childrenses. THERE ARE LOTS OF SMALL NEEDY PEOPLE NOW. Sometimes they are asleep at the same time (like now), and I almost congratulate myself. Other times my head explodes and I wonder whether I am an alcoholic except with cookies. (I'm breastfeeding. Nobody wants a drunk spitty baby. The spitty is bad enough.)

I should have replaced the leg elastics in all the diapers before Lucia was born. I did four. Her legs are simply too small, and I'm tired of getting hit from both ends. (Did I mention spitty?) I want at least the covered end to BE covered. So I'm up to ten of the 24 diapers being "safe."

In terms of spitty, I feel like I'm in my own private Lent. When I went to the birthing center for Lucia's hearing screen, the lady giving it (wish I'd gotten her name; must remember to ask) asked if Lucia spit up a lot and did I drink milk. Yes to both. She said I should drink less milk, because casein, the milk protein (needs a cape or at least a jingle), is hard for babies to digest. She said I craved milk because I needed protein, so I could get that fix by eating "green leafy vegetables and lean cuts of meat." I think milk is also comfort food for me, and my mother was visiting then; I estimated that the previous day I'd had about 12 cups of milk. So I cut it out. She still spits up, a lot, but I think there's a significant decrease, especially at night. I hadn't realized that there was actually a time when, after feeding, you could just rock and pat the baby on the back and not have to screech because you'd gotten blasted and would someone take the baby and put her elsewhere so you could mop everything up and go change clothes and then change the baby's clothes and find where you'd missed the spot and change the baby's clothes again because she's still erupting. NO. You can sit and rock and be dry. Not all the time, but twice in a row was just magical. There was more rest. There was more dry.

I was supposed to go to the midwife today, but received a call saying there was a woman in labor and could I come in on Wednesday. So we moved the appointment, but the (pregnant) office admin was sad because I often bring in banana bread and had already told her I had three fresh loaves ready to bring. So I told her I have more bananas and would make another batch. This morning I made four loaves of banana bread (the fourth was for the (pregnant) office admin at the chiropractor's office where I needed to go to pay the bill and it's right near the birthing center), wrote five thank-you notes (I was caught up three days ago!), packed up baby goods for donation, and made sure the frozen milk was ready to go for donation. So we'll try all that again on Wednesday. During Teddy's naptime. Woo!

We realized the Clergy Family Retreat (lasting about four days) includes the feasts of Ss. Peter and Paul and the Twelve Apostles (June 29 and 30), so it kind of makes going for the little snippet of time (Sunday afternoon to Tuesday afternoon) not worth a trip from south-ish Florida to near-nothing South Carolina. With a small baby and a 2.5-year-old. This would be harder to accept if we didn't have plane tickets to all go to the Metropolis Clergy-Laity, which is not as much fun, but includes some of the same people, which is the reason I get excited about both. Nonetheless, I told my husband he owes me. I'm not sure whether this debt will be paid off in ice cream, a trip to the beach, or letting me go on some sort of retreat by myself (iconography?), or a regular date night (we've never had one; I think we're still on single digits in terms of dates anyhow), or maybe even TAKING a vacation like our bishop told him (and all the priests) to make sure to do.

He is not good at vacations. He is not even good at days off. I have taken to answering at least our home phone all the time so that I can say, "Father is not available right now," because he won't. (Sometimes he does let a person leave a message on his cell, but usually not.)

I think the babies are the hardest part. I thought I would be a good mother. I thought I would ENJOY being with small people all the time. I would be Julie Andrews. We would sing all the time. I would not be angry and shouting and mean. Nobody ever said about the screaming in my head. Somehow, though, it's easier with more things to do. (I have an appointment to talk to someone, but encouraging words are welcome just the same.)

I may just pass out from overuse of parentheses. Tomorrow we are going to visit friends and show off Lucia and maybe have chicken-fried steak (buy-one-get-one-free, and I will eat my vegetables). I miss milk rather desperately.

Adventures in Homeschooling ... and stuff

I am a great waffler on homeschooling. I think it's a marvellous idea. I just don't know whether it's a good fit for either me or for Teddy.

Recently, I read an article suggested by an esteemed friend regarding homeschooling and socialization.

I remember looking over my Montessori "report cards" from when I was small and seeing non-standard subjects. So I thought about what subjects I'd like Teddy to cover right now and came up with a few: reading, writing, arithmetic, life skills (cooking, cleaning, laundry), beauty (art, nature, music, dance), and religion. I jotted down an age-appropriate goal or activity to go with each section.

Since my husband will be out of town for the next couple of days, I figured that making a schedule for my day would be useful. Today has gone quite well. I'm glad that I put in meal preparation times, and am being flexible with myself. (We didn't take a walk this morning, sending Dadda off on his trip instead, and I was late going on errands and couldn't find the blasted lightbulb (bought others which don't fit the little icon light), so we'll go shopping for foods tomorrow.)

My current goals for Teddy:
*reading: putting letters together, like a hornbook sort of thing; maybe I'll try the second lesson tomorrow
*writing: tracing letters; I need to be more prepared for this, as Teddy only wanted to copy the dots. Maybe I can print something out from here
*arithmetic: counting physical items; Teddy tends to keep on going with the numbers, so there may be three items, but he'll count to eleven or twelve
*life skills:
**cooking: we made banana bread today; Teddy loves watching anything about baking
**cleaning: pick up toys and dust baseboards; he's getting better about the first, and I thought he might enjoy something with a dustrag which would save me some bending over; I haven't introduced the latter yet
**laundry: put away clothes; he's pretty good about moving laundry between baskets and machines, but after it's out of the dryer, it usually ends up on the couch for a few days
*beauty:
**art: look at children's art books; haven't pulled any of the multitudes we have yet
**nature: take a walk; oh, well; we'll try again tomorrow
**music: match pitch; I felt like I should have a goal, but he started singing along with the Romanian Christmas carol cd, so I felt progress was made
**dance: clap on beat; again with the need to have a goal, but maybe we'll try this when I watch more Jeeves and Wooster tonight - there's fun music!
*religion:
**icon identification: he picked up on St. Savas last night from a church school display, and did pretty well with St. Barbara and St. Nicholas
**prayers by heart: he was shouting "Agios athanatos, eleison imas!" earlier, so I'll just slow down the usual bedtime prayers
**listen to Mama read the Gospel: oh, yeah, I forgot to do that this morning because I slept in almost a full hour

I think the hardest thing about the Montessori ideas is "a prepared environment" ... and close after that "a prepared teacher." I am trying to make sure that he knows what clean and tidy is ... and thinks it's normal. I wish this were the case for me. Thank goodness for "Auntie Leila"!

Husband just called to report the delivery of both NSP newsletters to the Metropolis and grandmother's chairs to aunt's house!

How long does it take roofers to put a new roof on and why do they seem to work the loudest during Teddy's naptime?

Looking for things, I cleared off an entire section of kitchen counter which just looks and feels wonderful. This is not the kitchen reorganization I was thinking of doing over the next three days, but it's nice to have the dishes done and a whole flat surface to just ... be flat with nothing on it. (I have a tray of miscellany, but moved that somewhere that was already cluttered so I could have a little bit more of success right now.)

I think it is time for a snack, as I am unable to focus. Either that, or I've run out of things to say.

How We Became Hippie Parents, Part 2

I know, everyone's just been *waiting* for me to continue. Har har. But Rachel said I should go ahead and blog about the things I'm enthusiastic about discovering. (Thank you, Rachel.)

So after a natural childbirth (no thanks to the Harrington rods), the next hippie step we took was cloth diapers.

We were fortunate to have a storefront cloth diaper store (which moved from Florida to Minnesota), so we were able to go in and look and feel the various kinds of diapers they had, and even have the employees there (one at a time) tell us about the various differences between them, and about the various accessories which others had found useful. Basically, I really liked the BumGenius 3.0 One Size pocket diapers, and we were (again) fortunate to be able to make an investment in 24 of the suckers.

BumGenius 3.0 One Size, after 21 months of use:
+excellent absorbency (compared with a few days of disposable/explodable diapers)
+good fit and easy to adjust the size with snaps
---velcro wears out somewhat easily; others have dealt with this by replacing the velcro tabs (getting replacement tabs for free (at the time) from the manufacturer, although I can't find a link now, and sewing them on themselves)

My workaround for the velcro problem: when I take the diaper covers out of the dryer (which also helps with the velcro), I (1) pinch out large clumps of whatever they've picked up (thread and lint; the laundry tabs were the first things to go) and then (2) pinch each hook-side tab together, rubbing it against itself which helps keep the tab from curling further, and (3) keep Teddy in a onesie, often with shorts, to make sure that the diaper stays on (overalls do not work with this tactic, for the most part)

So, if I had to choose again, I would pick something similar (pocket diaper), but make all the adjustable parts with snaps, like the new BumGenius One Size, and like FuzziBunz have been doing all the time (that I know of).

We really only needed the diapers, but there have been a few accessories purchases I highly suggest: cloth diaper pail liners (with a diaper pail, i.e., trash can with step-on lid-opener from Target) and the awesome diaper sprayer (also good for rinsing the tub or feet!).

But cloth diapering is not the extent of the scatological hippieness, oh no! (I wonder how many hits my blog will get for that phrase...) There's something called Elimination Communication (or EC), and it's sort of like potty training (hopefully the end result is the same: the child learning to use the potty himself) but it isn't quite. Basically, it's paying attention to your child and figuring out when he needs to go (after waking up, before and after a bath, around mealtimes, and before bedtime are good places to start trying), and taking him. If he can't sit up yet, you can hold him over the potty. I recommend bringing a book (for you or him) or having special toys to play with on the potty (easily washable is good -- use your dishwasher for extra clean after cleaning it yourself) or fun songs to sing using your fingers (Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes, The Eensy-Weensy Spider, and a Romanian elephant counting song (the one where they're swinging in a spider web, which I've found in several language variants, but I only know the Romanian one, thanks to my husband) were the ones we used for Teddy).

(1) I read The Diaper Free Baby and realized: "Hey, I don't have to do this all the time. Each time Teddy uses the potty is a little victory, and eventually, the diapers will go away. Each time Teddy misses, it's okay; I'll just clean up and move on." (Poop in the potty (with a diaper rinser) versus poopy diaper (and the poo will get all over his everything is a no-brainer; if you're still confused, potty = good. The second part, moving on, was crucial for me and my husband.)

(2) I read this post by a Montessori teacher and mother, and was blown away with the realization that I didn't have to put the potty on the bathroom floor! I could put it on the counter (with a heck of a lot of supervision, but much easier on my back); I could put it in the bathtub (for misses, any tendency to tip the potty over, or just so he couldn't escape ... as easily, or I could put it in the kitchen if that's where we were).

(3) I bought three potties at IKEA (Lättsam) after reading reviews which said they're cheap (yes) and easy to clean (yes). Now we have one in each bathroom and one at my mother's house. Teddy was terrified of the adult-size toilet, and the only good toddler toilet seat I found isn't made for elongated toilet bowls.

I started Teddy using the potty when he was about eight months old. I am glad to have a sister who encouraged me with her experience; she's lived for a bit in India and started her children sitting (terrified that they'd fall in, from what I remember) on the toilet when they were about six months old. I also got training pants from her, and Teddy will pick "underwear" over "diaper" almost every single time. (Which wreaks havoc on my usual laundry schedule which is based on having three diapers left; I may recover.) Today, at 21 months, he has learned to pull down his own underwear (okay, take it all the way off, despite my best efforts) when asked (although he's starting to have more initiative), tell me that he's going pee-pee (usually after he has, a little, but less and less each time), sit on and use the potty, and, awesomely, tell me when he's done—or not. (I love asking: "Are you all done? Are you finished?" and getting his exasperated: "No! Pee-pee!" like he's saying, "Hey, quit trying to rush me! I'm all grown up and using the potty all by myself!") Of course, today we had three instances of poopy diapers (one in the swim diaper,* alas, but I still think we're making progress overall.

*Swim diapers by Imse Vimse and Speedo (found at Target, in their kids' summer swim gear section) have been pretty awesome for our little fish.

In sum, here's my advice:
*Find a place to look at actual cloth diapers before you buy, and steer away from velcro if you can. (Used diapers can often be found on craigslist.) Follow the manufacturer's washing instructions as best you can! I really like the one-size pocket diapers.
*Totally get a diaper rinser. (Make sure your toilet has the adjustable connection to the wall plumbing.) The cloth diaper bags are a good idea, but you'll need two, since you'll be washing one and still need something to put soiled linens in.
*Read The Diaper Free Baby and consider whether this is something you're interested in. You don't have to buy anything extra and you might find that it's easier than you thought, especially since you just have to take it one potty trip at a time.
*Get a potty or toilet seat you and your child are comfortable with. (I figured that if Teddy's screaming about sitting on the toilet, he probably won't be relaxed enough to use it, and since the IKEA potties had good reviews and were under $4, I could experiment.)

Why did we choose cloth diapers? The main point was cost. It's cheaper to use cloth diapers than disposables ... and if we have another child, we'd only pay to use the washing machine (and dryer). The initial investment can be difficult, but we found it to be worth it. Another point was reducing our trash so we don't build up the landfills as much. I admit, I still use plastic bags to carry dirty diapers home, but there are cloth bags which do the same. I think I also read somewhere that human waste isn't supposed to go in the trash, so I feel better about putting waste in the toilet.

My mother was initially horrified at the cost of the new-fangled diapers compared to the cloth diapers she'd used for me (prefolds with pins (augh!) and plastic pants (again: augh!), but once Teddy and I visited her house, she seemed to fall in love with them, and ask me to tell her friend (with a new grandbaby) all about them.

There's still more weird parenting choices to blog about, so either wait (another 18 months!?) or let me know you want more.

Meal Plan

While reading posts in Google Reader, I often pause on Mary @ Evlogia's posts, finding them relevant to my current life, or inspiring to some future project. (Most things are on hold, now that we are gearing up for a move this month. The assignment is still not official, so that's all I'll say.)

On the Thursday before last week, I read this post and fell head over heels in love with the idea of a seasonal* meal plan. Mary's meal plans repeat each week within the season, so her family eats the same week's meals (no, not like that) from the Sunday of St. Thomas through the Sunday of All Saints. Then, for the Apostles' Fast, they'll eat using a different meal plan—but one which stays the same week to week within that season.

*Liturgical seasons, that is, fasting for fasts, and feasting for festal seasons.

There are not enough superlatives to describe how awesomely wonderful this is to me. I am struggling with eating vegetables, eating nourishing food, eating varied food**, and preparing meals. I want Teddy to have these things be normal to him, but that means I have to work hard at it now. (Okay, I'd like for these things to be normal for me, too, but that's not as inspiring. Teddy is much cuter.)

**My first academic year at ND included about eight months of lunches and dinners based around chicken patties. And I'm not exaggerating.

So I wrote down all the things we like to eat (feasting-wise) which I could think of off the top of my head, and noticed that three of them (hamburgers, tasty Romanian soup, and seven-layer dip) last for more than one meal. Even with that, it was a bit of a struggle to stretch across to a full 14 lunch and dinner meals, with nothing but the main repeating entree ... well, repeating. Fr. Peter chose seven-layer dip because we'd just had a week of soup, and I don't know whether he will want to have seven-layer dip for weeks and weeks, but so far it is MARVELOUS. I made it on Saturday after the yard sale, and—guess what!—lunch was already made for Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday!

This past Sunday we were so exhausted from the yard sale that I didn't have time to sit down and grind out a meal plan—BUT I ALREADY KNEW WHAT WE WERE GOING TO EAT BECAUSE I REMEMBERED IT FROM LAST WEEK!

Okay, we have a PTO board meeting, paraklesis, and shopping tonight, and fish is on the menu (my one stretch, even though it's Costco fishsticks for me and salmon burgers with garlic for the more adventurous men), and it takes a while. I just wanted everyone to know how awesome this seasonal* thing is.

Thank you, Mary.

Falling and Getting Up

It's almost 2 p.m. I haven't even gotten dressed or brushed my hair yet. I ought to eat lunch. I'm continuing to write my to-do list while Teddy is napping. (A scheduled naptime when Mommy is tiredest in the day is a beautiful thing.)

The house is a mess. I feel wretched and achy, and am wondering whether this is a new cold or just a resurgence of the one I brought back from MN.

Aqua Zumba did not go well last night, since Teddy could see me but couldn't get to me which resulted in both of us being miserable until I went over to the little pool, Fr. Peter didn't get his full swim in (Presanctified Liturgy was in the morning, so he didn't get his morning swim), and ... okay, it was just a lot harder than regular Zumba without the water resistance. So I'm probably not going to go to another Aqua Zumba for a while. I'm undecided on tonight's Zumba class.

I've been enjoying rereading favorite books (Harper Hall trilogy by Anne McCaffrey, and will start some Robin McKinley today) while I've been feeling low, and might have to be more conscious about how what I read affects my mood.

Yesterday was one sister's birthday, and I'm still working on getting her what she asked for for Christmas (a family portrait).

I will rest, but I will not give up. My house will be messy, my baby will be cranky, and I will be exhausted ... and that's okay. I will continue to write out my to-do list, and I will continue to keep going. By the grace of God, I will get up when I fall. Sometimes it takes me a little longer than others.

Reading Method Journalism; or, Mindfulness

I have recently read Colin Beavan's No Impact Man and watched the movie, and this afternoon just finished reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. The first was an attempt to reflect values in actions and daily life, and the second was an attempt to improve one's happiness (and overall life) by analysis and experimentation.

Starting with Teddy's pregnancy (I think; maybe I'm just not able to remember further back), I started enjoying something I never thought I would: reading non-fiction books. I especially like reading books which either tell me how to do something (like John Rosemond's books on disciplining children, where "discipline" means "make a disciple of") or relate the author's struggle to improve himself in a way which makes me think on how I could improve both myself and my life.

One of the things which impressed me about Ms. Rubin's book was the preparation time she spent in plotting out what she wanted to accomplish, the steps she needed to take, and the order in which to take them. She thought of this in April, and researched and read and took notes, and only started her year-long project in January. I also like that each month had a different emphasis, so there would be a refreshment of purpose throughout the year.

I'd like to try doing a Happiness Project myself, but I am afraid of failure. In Molly Sabourin's Close to Home (an awesome early birthday present from my husband, and my absolutely most favorite book right now—I've never had the urge to take notes inside a book before, usually being horrified by the idea of writing in books), she relates the story of a young monk who asks Abba Sisoes what to do when he falls. "Get up!" "I got up, and I fell again!" "Get up again!" "For how long should I get up when I fall?" "Until your death." I'm afraid of the failure of not getting up again, of not continuing to try, of despairing and turning away from God.

So, instead, I'm going to try, and I'm going to trust God.
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I was frustrated with my tendency to want to buy all the Orthodox children's books I could find, and then not to read them, or to find them only after the saint's day had passed. I've started putting together a personal synaxarion (or whatever book it should be) spreadsheet to list the icons, books (and board books), icon bookmarks (and pins and pendants), and podcasts for spiritual relevance for Teddy. A spreadsheet lets me sort by each category, although the most useful is "date."

Today's items are for the Third Thursday of Lent and for St. Gerasimos of the Jordan:

• Children's Bible Reader, p. 139: Wise Words of Solomon (Proverbs 10-16)
• Povestiri Pentru Copii, v. 5, p. 72: St. Gerasimos of the Jordan (Sfântul Gherasim și Leul)

I've also been having some success with keeping a menu plan, even though it's still not very good, it at least provides a back-up plan for what to eat, and helps me make the shopping list to make sure that we have everything that we need. I don't include breakfast, because we don't seem to eat that as a family, and I usually have cookies and cocoa and then wait to eat lunch. (We usually eat two dinners, though, before and after we go to the pool in the evening.)

Today's lunch was intended to be the soup made on Tuesday (tomato-rice soup from the Romanian cookbook), but yesterday it reminded me of worms/shrimp, so I went with toasted bagels and bruschetta, with potato chips on the side for extra crunch. The plan for dinner is mashed potatoes, but I might be able to scrounge up a salad, too, if my husband didn't use up all the tomatoes on his soup.
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On Saturday, Teddy and I returned from MN, where we were visiting my sister and her family (oh, the joy of cousins!) for ten days. The Sunday before this was our parish Greek festival, and the day when Teddy decided to go from four naps a day to one. ONE. We also got sick at my sister's house, and I am still a bit under the weather. However, I did take the plunge and went to a Zumba class on Tuesday evening, and thoroughly enjoyed it. I haven't sweat (sweated?) that much since giving birth to Teddy, and, of course, the one-hour class was much more enjoyable than that. It reminded me a bit of doing Mousercize in elementary P.E. class: everyone was excited to get to do fun exercising. The rhythms made it easy and enjoyable, and there were breaks just often enough. My only problem was a rhythm-challenged boy who gangled obtrusively right in front of me, so I'll see about getting into the room a little earlier for a better place. Another husband-assisted early birthday present was the Zumba DVD set, which looks fun and arrived yesterday. (Teddy already likes the rhythm sticks.)
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Reading Molly Sabourin's book and blog posts make me worry about my spiritual side. I struggle to pay attention and to be mindful, but I'm not sure I succeed very often if at all. Last night's Presanctified Liturgy was more of an exercise in keeping Teddy quiet and silently apologizing to the few parishioners who were probably all watching Teddy's antics than of any spiritual growth.

As always, please keep me in your prayers.

September 5

At about five in the afternoon, I finished what I'd like to be my "morning routine." Of course, that doesn't usually include going swimming. (Forgot the camera again, dang it.)

Last night, Teddy slept through the night for the second time in a row since we had houseguests and went travelling and messed up his schedule. It was marvelous, and strange at the same time.

I worry that I spend too much time on the computer and in books. I'm not spending enough time doing the things around the house which need to get done, and I'm not spending enough time with my family. I haven't managed to plan meals in advance, so I've been mostly on a diet of hot dogs and pizzas. In addition to being really bad for me, health-wise, as well as for any weight loss, it's a horrible example to set for Teddy.

On the positive side of things, I did stick to my routine until I got it done, including exercises for my back. And, well, I'll keep trying tomorrow.

September 3

Today I managed to go to the family storytime at the library, even though we were late due to an unexpected poopy diaper.

I spent most of the afternoon on the computer working on presvyteres stuff. The article ("by Teddy") of the Atlanta Metropolis Clergy-Laity is still too large, so I will have to figure out how to reduce the filesize of each of the pictures, then resize them to what they currently are, and make sure everything works.

I decided not to go to the water aerobics thing tonight, but took about an hour to work in the yard some more. I didn't realize I was so long, since I started about an hour later than I usually do, and went until I couldn't tell dirt from leaves (and was trying not to think of bugs).

Still doing more cogitating than working on the presvyteres directory. I'm much better at looking things up than calling people I don't know. Oh, well. I'll see what I can do with a fresh start tomorrow.

Sixtieth lunacy

Five years ago, we got married. The invitations said, "Vespers and reception to follow."

I'll never forget our wedding night: I had an ear infection, and my new husband sang and sang to me for hours. And we watched Brit Sits, as it was a Saturday.

It seems strange to have lost two parents and gained a son in that time. I've never known how to answer the question, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I don't look back very well, either. But this does make me curious to see what will happen in the next five. Will I be able to weather storms more gracefully? Will I be able to give strength to my family?

Birthday 29

Now I'm in my prime.

I just wanted to say how nice my birthday was. Thanks to facebook (early) and my sisters (late), I got to extend my birthday sense of festivity beyond the usual 24-hours. (A la pre- and post-feast, as Emma points out. Hmm. Her husband is in his prime, too. A different prime, but still.)

Fr. Peter and Teddy and I, after breakfast, went to a middle school whose music program was having a rummage sale. (Yay to checking craigslist!) For about twelve dollars—I was spending, not counting, so that's Fr. Peter's estimate—I bagged (literally, because Fr. Peter was smart and got the tote bags from the trunk of the car) about two feet of books, a popsicle-making kit, and a penguin marionette. Most of the books are at least nominally for Teddy, although when we came home I plowed through four of them, and am in the middle of the fifth.

Aaaahhh. Books.

I think I will have some more of the lenten (so I can share!) applesauce cake (new-to-me-recipe from Khouria Virginia Massouh from last Sunday's pan-Orthodox vespers) I made on Friday and rest my feet up. I will stop posting before I run out of parentheses (horrors!).